Women, War, and Dating

Hi there, this is a really enjoyable article and will bring
a smile to your face. Ed williams has a great way of
writing and if you have a teenage son, you will be able to
relate to this article for Teen Parenting, very well.

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Women, War, and Dating

by: Ed Williams

I guess I should've figured something like this would
happen one day. My son Will, who has just turned sixteen,
is now dating, and was out on one this past Saturday night.
I happened to be sitting in the den watching one of those
high speed cop chase TV shows when he returned home from
said date. He walked in, nodded, and then looked at me
somewhat seriously and said,

"Dad, I need to ask you something. Tonight I took
Candi to the movies, and I even let her pick out the movie.
I bought our tickets and I even bought her some
refreshments before we went into the theatre, even though
I'll be broke for the next two weeks. I did all that,
and then when we sat down in our seats she looked over at
me and asked if I liked her blouse? Dad, between us, it was
this weird sort of orange looking deal, in fact, it looked
just like someone had rubbed red clay all over it. I
thought I'd at least be polite, so I told her that I
liked it okay. She looked at me and said, "Just
okay?" I agreed again that I liked it okay. Dad,
she didn't hardly even speak to me for the rest of
the evening."

After a moment of meditative silence, Will asked, "
Dad, do you understand women? What should I have done
instead?"

God.

I cleared my throat for a good twenty seconds, stalled for
some more time by picking a little lint off my socks, and
then told Will that women were God's greatest
creation and that we should love, honor, and respect each
and every one of them. I then added that a ton of great
things like inventions and medical cures have come from
women. I even went on to remind him that his mother was a
woman, and we all know how guys feel about their mothers.
But, even after all that, I broke down and confessed the
following to Will, "Son, I will never understand
women. You will never understand women. Albert Einstein
didn't understand women. Hell, even Ed Jr.
doesn't even understand women!" We both
paused at that point because we realized that this was as
about as high up as we could go. I thought for a bit, then
said, "Son, we'll never understand women,
but I can help you out with your second question about what
you should have done instead."

Will listened as I continued, "Son, the first
mistake you made was even commenting on her clothes in the
first place. Never tell a woman what you really think about
her clothes. If she covers her body from head to toe in
burlap bags and ties a snake around her waist, tell her that
it's the most stylish outfit that you've ever
seen. And leave it at that. Talking to women about their
clothes is like talking to them about their relatives - no
possible good can come from it."

Will nodded, and I continued, "The second mistake
you made was buying her a bunch of stuff to eat at the
movies on the front end. If this was your first date with
her you had no idea as to how things would go. The best
thing would've been to take her into the theatre, see
how things progressed for an hour or so, and then make the
decision as to whether or not you want to blow fifteen or
twenty bucks on refreshments. If things go well, that'
s great, spend the dough with a big smile on your face. If
they don't, well, as soon as the movie is over tell
her that you think you're starting to get an
intestinal bug and that you need to get her home really
fast. Then, rush her on home, say goodbye quickly and leave,
and then stop off at Nu-Way on your way back for a couple
of tasty all-the-way dogs."

Will nodded respectfully at all that, then asked, "
So Dad, what you're telling me is that dating women
is sort of like the stock market, that you shouldn't
invest until you know more about the company's
performance?"

I sagely replied as follows, "Son, I see it more
like this. Dating is sort of like a war, you don't
want to oversupply the front until you've seen that
you've made some reasonable advances...."

About The Author

Ed's latest book, "Rough As A
Cob," can be ordered by calling River City
Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He's also a
popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a
number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via
email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site
address at: www.ed-williams.com.